We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
