I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
