I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i wish my penis had a tongue
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I will pee on everything he values.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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