I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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