I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
