I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
