just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
