I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
