how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
