morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
