I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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