porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
