I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
