Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
