You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
