i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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