hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
