Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
love makes seman taste better
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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