I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
