Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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