I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
