do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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