He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
