You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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