She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
