I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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