You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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