i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You dont lie about slip and slides
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
