Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
