he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
