I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
