i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
