just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
