so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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