So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
this hospital has no fireball
Randomize
