I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
