There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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