There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
