Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
