no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
