I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
