i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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