first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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