His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
