she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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