There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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