you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
