You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
