i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
