i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
